The Rock Wall

Posted February 21, 2013 at 1:26 pm

Some of our hometown heroes hit mailboxes and road signs Thursday night out on Hwy. DD, St. Clair SW 800 Road and 900 Road showing their bravery by taking down a stop sign, three road signs (it is not important that ambulances or law enforcement know where they are) and the biggest prize of all – two mail boxes.

Rod Bledsoe just called to tell me he has replaced his mailbox and camouflaged it so the vandals can’t find it – he painted it sky blue. Let’s see if it works.

- New sign for your front (and back) door: Due to the increased price of ammunition, do not expect a warning shot.

-When Rhonda Friar, her daughter, Ashley, and five grandkids did a Mardi Gras parade to our office Tuesday evening to deliver the King cake Rhonda made, she told us about the photo shoot Sydney and her boyfriend did modeling engagement and wedding wear and that Sydney didn’t want the photos out to avoid the questions and speculation they might cause.

After we saw Sydney at the I Love El Dorado Springs banquet Saturday night, I realized I had missed an opportunity and decided to rattle her cage with an e-mail Monday:

Sydney,

It occurred to me, after we both noticed how well each cleaned up, that I didn’t see your ring. I had seen the engagement photos on line.

Congratulations. Is Mrs. Missouri next for you?

Kenny

Sydney replied right back:

Oh Lord, I hope you’re kidding. That’s why I tried to hide those photos. haha

- If you’re not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he’s the famous Erudite Scientist who once said: “I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.”

Here are some of his gems:

- I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

- Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.

- Half the people you know are below average.

- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

- I intend to live forever… So far, so good.

- Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

- My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”

- If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

- Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

- Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.

- If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

- If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

Christian One Liners

• Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.

• The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

• When you get to your wit’s end, you’ll find God lives there.

• Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on the front door forever.

• Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn’t belong.

• If a church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.

• I don’t know why some people change churches. What difference does it make which one you stay home from?

• Stop, Drop, and Roll won’t work in Hell.

• Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

• Don’t wait for six strong men to take you to church.

• Forbidden fruits create many jams.

• God grades on the cross, not the curve.

• God loves everyone, but probably prefers fruits of the spirit over religious nuts.

• God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

• He who angers you, controls you.

• If God is your Co-pilot, swap seats.

• Prayer: Don’t give God instructions, just report for duty.

• You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him/her.

• The best mathematical equation: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.

KL