KORONER’S KORNER: We All Make Mistakes

After writing about how old memories of the ones you love could be good or bad and that we preferred to remember only the good; it dawned on me that not only do we have memories of others that are good and bad, we have memories of our own life that are good and bad.  Those memories have gotten to the point that I had to get out of bed at midnight and write about what has been bothering me increasingly more lately since I know every day is a day closer to my own death. 

Some folks may think that’s a negative way of looking at things.  I consider it a realistic viewpoint since I know that our days are numbered, we just don’t know the number.  I remember when I was stationed in Europe, we would travel all around and look at the castles and huge monuments that had been constructed to honor those who had gone before.  I particularly remember one of the most beautiful sites we visited because it was on the side of a hill, overlooking a valley with a river and had mountain peaks all around it.

The mausoleum was huge and housed the bodies of some royalty, no doubt a king or prince and his wife.  How gorgeous it was, but I kept thinking that as nice as it was, the one thing I couldn’t get out of my mind was, “Yeah, but they’re still dead.”  Nothing they had done during their lives had changed the end result.  They may have had a great and wonderful life, but they were no different than me and their bodies lay there just like someday my body will lie somewhere.

But those thoughts aren’t nearly as dark as my memories of the good and bad I have done in my life.  I think about all the bad things I have done as well as the bad thoughts I’ve had and it’s difficult for me to escape the feelings of guilt.  A lot of folks know the good things I’ve done serving the nation, and my wife told me the other day about how I had helped people all my life and was still helping those who need help during the worst times of their lives. 

President Jimmy Carter commented once about how even some of his thoughts were sinful and how he strived to overcome them.  As I said to some folks the other day, only I know how bad I’ve been in different situations in my life and those are my challenges to overcome.  Just as we wish we could remember only the good things about those who have passed before us, I wish I could erase those memories of my bad decisions.

I believe that therein lies the secret to going through life to the end without regret.  We need to understand that in some cases we’ve done less than what others and even ourselves have expected of us.  But getting up every day with the idea that we are going to do a better job of living and helping others that day is how we go on.

In SERE (Survival, Evasion, Resistance, and Escape) training, we taught that sometimes a person is faced with a bad decision and a worse decision.  The problem is that we don’t know which is bad and which is worse.  I told my Green Beret students that they had to make that decision themselves using the information they had at the time.  Whatever their decision was, they would be the ones who had to look in the mirror for the rest of their lives.  They needed to understand that whatever their decision, they would have to remember they did what was needed at the time with the best of their ability and not to regret their choice.

Not regretting a choice is a tough thing to do.  More easily said or written than done.  But if you aren’t able to understand that you made the best decision you could when you had to, with the information you had, you will go through life miserable and reach the end without enjoying the blessings you’ve been given.  We are not perfect and we have to stop ‘beating ourselves up’ about our shortcomings.  We have to continue to get up everyday with the mindset that we’re going to do better today.

I look back at my decisions as a parent and mull over all the things I could have done better.  I wish I had set a better example for my children and been a better husband to my wife.  I thought that I was making the world a better place, but in hindsight I wonder if making the world a better place should have started at home.  Spending more time with the children, walking and talking with the wife more, not going away for months at a time and leaving them all to ‘fend’ for themselves.  But in the end, I did what I did and while I’m not the proudest of some things, I can only get up tomorrow and try to do better.

Why is the Coroner writing about living and making life decisions?  What has all of this got to do with death?  Well, in my opinion, dying is a part of living.  We will all die at some point.  Some of us will live a full life and get to the end with a feeling of satisfaction.  Some will get there with a feeling of emptiness and wonder what it was all for.  I think part of my duty is helping folks not only understand the end but also help them decide the best path on their journey to the inevitable destination.

Live your life to its fullest.  Understand that we ALL make mistakes and that mistakes are just learning experiences.  So, wake up and get up tomorrow and do better.

Danny Leo Green,

Coroner, Cedar County